Uncle Steve's Story Time - Episode 2

Uncle Steve is back with another wild adventure! What zany troubles will he get himself into this week? Read on to find out:

You don't really know your co-workers until they get you drunk an offer you a prostitute. This is my story.

It all started out so innocently, I went to work and played volleyball after school. I didn't realize that there was some sort of PTA meeting so there were a lot of people watching this game. For accuracy's sake, let's say there were 3000 people there, all cheering madly, waving pompoms, chanting etc etc....okay, forget that last part. There were about 150 people there, which is a lot considering what they were about to watch, but I can't really say how much attention they were paying. I won't go into details, but my team fought a good battle, showed a lot of heart yet somehow lost, our herculean effort notwithstanding. I was informed after the match that there would be a staff dinner that evening.

There I was, the only white person in a sum gip sa (forgive my Konglish) restaurant, sitting uncomfortably on the floor, trying to ignore the numbness that had taken over the lower half of my body. Bottles of beer and soju were placed on the table and my glass was quickly filled. Being thirsty and polite, I quickly downed the first glass. Then another, and another. It seemed that some of the parents who played and attended wanted to meet me and, in turn, offer me a soju or refill my beer. Again, being the polite type, I tried to oblige them all. Towards the end of the meal, I heard the following conversation "Bla bla bla bla bla bla Stephen bla bla bla noray bang". Noray bang is literaly translated as 'singing room'. A loose translation is 'drunk and bad singing room'. A teacher asked me if I wanted to noray bang, I think you know what my answer was.

I found myself in a car with my principal and 2 other teachers. One of the teachers really wants to talk to me but knows very little English. Most of his sentences start 'Ahhhh, Steeban....' and usually end there as well. We were outside the noray bang, but confusion still reigned. My teacher friend thought of a 2 prong method to solve the problem. "Ah, Steeban....you want girl?" There is a limit to my politeness, so I turned down his offer to visit a brothel. Unfazed, he then asked 'Ah, Steeban...you want coffee?' I didn't see the connection but accepted anyway. As we headed off, he grabbed my hand and held it, even interlocked the fingers. If I can handle old men coming up to me in the shower at the gym and gawk because I have not chosen the 'hair explosion' style for my pubic region, I can walk hand in hand with a man down the street in broad daylight. Dai Hamingook!!

Once we got into the noray bang and toasted each other with shots of scotch, the singing took over. I sang English songs to people who couldn't understand English, and listened to Korean songs sung by drunk Koreans. The more I drank, the more I understood. I got the feeling that one of the songs was about a guy and his donkey and how they set out to find a lost love, but I can't be sure.

At the end of the night, they stuffed me in a cab and sent me home, leaving me to think, this is a Wednesday?